Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
