My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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