I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
