I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
