Pappa wants mamma naked
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
