and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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