You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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