I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
