You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
