You're a womanizer and a bitch.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
