nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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