he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
