he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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