That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
