last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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