did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
