I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
