Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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