We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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