we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
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