his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
