oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
