yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
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