with your own penis?
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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