Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
