after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
