I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
