My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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