I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
