i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
