i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
this boner is exhausting
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
No I am not eating basil off your cock
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
