At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Randomize
