I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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