I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
