If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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