my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Mom said you looked used
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
