I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
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