Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
