My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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