I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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