dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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