OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
