I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
