i just google imaged poop.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Randomize
