the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
