shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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