Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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