I think scott just propositioned me for sex
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
