I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
