i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
