sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
