So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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